This year, I have asked several people that mean a lot to me and Ward to write letters to him on his second birthday. I will save them and one day, when he is older, he will have ways to know/remember these important people. Here is my letter to him on his birthday eve.
Two years ago, I was on pins and needles knowing that you would be born soon, but not knowing when. When I got the call on December 15th around 8:30 in the morning, I knew that my life would change, but had no clue how much it would change. In the past two years, these are some things that you have taught me.
- Everything is not black and white. Before having children everything had a place, everything was either right or it was wrong, everything had one way to be done. Now that I have you, I know that sometimes there are grey areas. This is hard for someone who likes things to be just so, but having you I know that I have to give a little here and there, and you have to too. It’s hard on both of us. We have both butted heads over these small grey areas, but we have made it this far.
- My mom( and every diligent prayerful mom) made a huge impact. After you were born, I truly realized how much my mom did and didn’t do for me. She was selfless, patient, and loving. She was not my friend, she didn’t make excuses for me, and she told me exactly what she felt. The most important thing she did, that I now realize is the most important thing any parent can do, is that she prayed for me. Some of her prayers probably seemed to be falling on deaf ears. Sometimes, my prayers for your stubborn spirit seem to be unheard as well, but she was diligent. Now, she would probably tell you that her prayers(for the most part) were heard as I am now a grown, responsible adult with a semi well paying job, a Godly husband, and I love JEsus. These are my prayers for you. I pray that you become a responsible adult who takes accountability for your mistakes. I pray that you become a self relient man who doesn’t need someone to make you feel worthy. Most of all, I pray that you become a man who truly loves and follows Jesus.
- Unconditional love is real. Everyday I mess up. I know that right now you don’t realize this, but one day you will. Right now, no matter what I do, no matter how harshly I talk to you, or how much I play on my phone when I should be playing with you, you love me. You love me hard. You love me so hard that sometimes it’s overwhelming and it feels like I can’t breathe. I love you this hard too. You and I, Ward, have a special relationship. I hope we always do. When you are 18 and reading this, I hope you can at least think, “Man, my mom is annoying, but boy, I sure love her.” I know I think that about you sometimes. 😉
4. Most of all, you have taught me that God has great plans for my life. Before you came along, I had a purpose. I was someone’s daughter, teacher, wife, friend, but then you came along, and in these past two years I have truly realized that you and I were meant to be together. I told your daddy last night that I believe that you are my soulmate, just not in a romantic way. I am so thankful for my messed up plans that ended up in God’s perfect plan by putting you in my life.
I can’t BELIEVE you are going to be two tomorrow. It really seems like I was just heading to Cartersville to watch your birth. I will never forget the moment that your birthmom looked at me and said, “Go to him. He’s your son.” I have never felt more love in one room. Thank you for your impact you have made on everyone’s lives around you, Dub. Never change.