Almost a year ago today, Ken and I officially decided that we were going to go down the adoption road. It was Sanctity of Life Sunday and I had this epiphany. Why am I stressing myself out so much about having a child of my own? There are so many children out there that need homes of their own. I am so glad we decided to do this for so many reasons. The #1 reason I am glad we decided to adopt was because of my sweet W. Everyday when I look at him, no matter if he is crying or eating or looking at me with his beautiful eyes, I know that there is no place he should be but with us. He is my everything. My love that I thought I knew before was nothing compared to my love for him. He is just perfect and reminds me everyday that we were supposed to adopt. The #2 reason I know we were supposed to adopt is because it caused me to fully rely and trust in God. I have been a Christian since I was 7 years old, but this past year I have grown more in my Christian faith than ever before. I was pushed to the brink but through God I made it through. I learned that He is always there and He is always faithful. I am thankful that we went through this adoption process because of my every changing and growing relationship with my Savior.
When we were going through the adoption process though, people kept saying, “Once you adopt, you will probably get pregnant!” I did not want to hear this because I am such a planner. I didn’t want to have this whole life planned out: I will adopt a baby, then I will have a baby of my own and life will be perfect. Well, God works in crazy ways. The day that Ward was five days old, we found out that I was pregnant. I cried because I was thinking of my sweet baby boy who wouldn’t be my sweet baby boy but for 8 months. Ken was excited. Since then, I have confirmed my pregnancy a couple of times including seeing an ultrasound and hearing the baby’s heartbeat. I am still in shock a little bit, but at the same time I am now getting excited. Ward is going to be such a great big brother! If only I can get through this whole newborn/morning sickness thing.
This whole situation even further solidifies the fact that Ward is supposed to be ours and that we were supposed to have two babies…..very close together. 🙂 I had taken a test two weeks before Ward was born and it was negative. If it had been positive then, I would have started second guessing our decision about Ward. I would have started thinking about other people who can’t have babies that would be so lucky to get Ward. I would have been nervous and anxious when Ward was born. Instead, I got to experience the complete excitement of W’s birth. Two weeks after Ward’s birth I had my yearly doctor’s appointment and was planning on getting back on birth control, you know so we wouldn’t have children less than a year apart! (Try 8 months, Stace.) God knew he had just a VERY short window of time that he had to show me His plan for me. I love His plan for our family, but I have to be honest, His timing is NOT what my timing would have been. Good thing I’m not God. 🙂
If you will, please just pray for us right now. I am trying to take care of a newborn all day and dealing with first trimester blues. Ken is trying to keep up with everything else around the house, which is NOT easy. (All I do is hold Ward and sit on the couch and watch Criminal Minds and try to will myself not to be sick.) We’re thankful for your prayers. You prayed us through Ward’s journey and I know you will be faithful to pray us through the next few crazy months, so thank you!
Sidenote: My mind is so scrambled right now so this post might not make complete sense. Bottom line: Ward is going to be a big brother in August!