Why worry?

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Before Ward was born, I was a huge worrier. I mean, when I can’t get my parents on the phone I automatically assume the worst. When Ken is a little late getting home from work, I start calling to check on him. I mean it was bad. I knew that when I had Ward, my worrying was going to get really bad. I started praying about it a long time before we even knew about W, that my worrying would not overtake my life.

My prayers worked! For some reason, since he was born, I am not worrying about anything as much. My grandfather went into the hospital yesterday with heart problems, but I stayed cool and calm, when usually I would have almost hyperventilated. (I think it threw Ken off how little I was freaking out.) Through W’s 10 day period when I loved him so much, but he was still not legally ours, I never worried about not being able to call him mine. I knew that everything was going to be fine. Besides the fact that I have been praying for this for a while, I think another reason that I am not worrying as much actually has to do with Ward. He is my constant tangible reminder that God is always faithful. Through good times and bad, He works in His ways that always prosper us. Every time I look at Ward, I am reminded that God loves us and we should remember that at ALL times. I am so thankful for this constant reminder to not worry. 🙂

A letter to my present self.

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Dear Stacy of right now,

I am writing you because I want you to really think about what you are doing. Right now, you have this amazing life. You have a beautiful baby boy and you are pregnant. What more can you ask for? Well, apparently, you can ask for a lot more because you also want to feel miraculously perfect during this first trimester, you want to get copious amounts of sleep, you want life to be perfect. Well, according to me, your self from two years ago, your life IS perfect.

What you’re doing right now is you are forgetting about us. Forgetting about those women that are wanting what you have right now. Two years ago you would DEFINITELY be blocking present you on Facebook right about now. You forget that while you are whining and complaining about no sleep with a newborn while feeling sick all of the time, there are people out there who are crying as they read your status updates. It’s not fair, present Stacy, because you were that woman not so long ago. How have you forgotten so quickly? All I ask is that you remember the feelings of EVERYONE as you talk about your “problems”. Your problems might seem perfect to them.

Think before you post,

Two years ago You

Morning sickness advice(from someone who doesn’t believe in morning sickness advice)

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Those of you that know me, know that when I am in a situation, I research like crazy. When we go on vacation, I research all of the best places to eat. When we are flying out of an airport, I research the map of the flight we are on. Naturally, as soon as my morning sickness hit me, I began to research how to get rid of it. Here’s the thing though: You don’t get rid of morning sickness. Sure, you can help combat it, but it never truly goes away until (hopefully) your second trimester. While researching, I found some tips to help with it though and here’s what I think of these tips.

1. Eat something before you even get out of bed in the morning: Wellllll, what happens if you’re getting out of bed two or three times a night and you aren’t worried about eating something before you get up because you have a screaming baby beside you wanting HIS food?

2. Stay hydrated: Ooooh, I would love to, but unfortunately, I haven’t found ANYTHING that I can drink that will stay down. (Those of you that know me know that it is killing me that I can’t drink water all day long!)

3. Sleep as much as you can: I am doing this! Unfortunately, it’s not enough.

4. Eat 6 small meals a day: But I don’t FEEL like eating. (whiny voice inserted here.)

5. Avoid any triggers of your sickness: I would LOVE to do that, but unfortunately, my trigger is the smell of baby formula which I have to use about 6 million times a day. Oh well, I feed W and then I go throw up.

The only tip that I have found that helps is to find something you can eat and stick with it. That’s why right now I am basically living off of chicken fingers and bread. Also, I like the “Never be hungry” rule because that just gives me more reason to eat chicken fingers and bread. And to not drink anything.

Besides all of this, I am so incredibly thankful because not only do I get to look down and see my sweet Ward dozing peacefully in my arms, but I also know that I will begin seeing my belly swell with his brother or sister soon. There are so many people that never are blessed as much as I have been in the past month. Because of that, I am grateful. (No matter how whiny this post may sound. 🙂 )

Jeremiah 1.5

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Almost a year ago today, Ken and I officially decided that we were going to go down the adoption road. It was Sanctity of Life Sunday and I had this epiphany. Why am I stressing myself out so much about having a child of my own? There are so many children out there that need homes of their own. I am so glad we decided to do this for so many reasons. The #1 reason I am glad we decided to adopt was because of my sweet W. Everyday when I look at him, no matter if he is crying or eating or looking at me with his beautiful eyes, I know that there is no place he should be but with us. He is my everything. My love that I thought I knew before was nothing compared to my love for him. He is just perfect and reminds me everyday that we were supposed to adopt. The #2 reason I know we were supposed to adopt is because it caused me to fully rely and trust in God. I have been a Christian since I was 7 years old, but this past year I have grown more in my Christian faith than ever before. I was pushed to the brink but through God I made it through. I learned that He is always there and He is always faithful. I am thankful that we went through this adoption process because of my every changing and growing relationship with my Savior.

When we were going through the adoption process though, people kept saying, “Once you adopt, you will probably get pregnant!” I did not want to hear this because I am such a planner. I didn’t want to have this whole life planned out: I will adopt a baby, then I will have a baby of my own and life will be perfect. Well, God works in crazy ways. The day that Ward was five days old, we found out that I was pregnant. I cried because I was thinking of my sweet baby boy who wouldn’t be my sweet baby boy but for 8 months. Ken was excited. Since then, I have confirmed my pregnancy a couple of times including seeing an ultrasound and hearing the baby’s heartbeat. I am still in shock a little bit, but at the same time I am now getting excited. Ward is going to be such a great big brother! If only I can get through this whole newborn/morning sickness thing.

This whole situation even further solidifies the fact that Ward is supposed to be ours and that we were supposed to have two babies…..very close together. 🙂 I had taken a test two weeks before Ward was born and it was negative. If it had been positive then, I would have started second guessing our decision about Ward. I would have started thinking about other people who can’t have babies that would be so lucky to get Ward. I would have been nervous and anxious when Ward was born. Instead, I got to experience the complete excitement of W’s birth. Two weeks after Ward’s birth I had my yearly doctor’s appointment and was planning on getting back on birth control, you know so we wouldn’t have children less than a year apart! (Try 8 months, Stace.) God knew he had just a VERY short window of time that he had to show me His plan for me. I love His plan for our family, but I have to be honest, His timing is NOT what my timing would have been. Good thing I’m not God. 🙂

If you will, please just pray for us right now. I am trying to take care of a newborn all day and dealing with first trimester blues. Ken is trying to keep up with everything else around the house, which is NOT easy. (All I do is hold Ward and sit on the couch and watch Criminal Minds and try to will myself not to be sick.) We’re thankful for your prayers. You prayed us through Ward’s journey and I know you will be faithful to pray us through the next few crazy months, so thank you!

Sidenote: My mind is so scrambled right now so this post might not make complete sense. Bottom line: Ward is going to be a big brother in August!