Over the past few weeks, my mind has been so completely consumed by the thought of my sweet baby boy. Once you find out the reality of it all, you automatically can’t help but start fantasizing and becoming excited about your baby. However, I was reminded today of a good lesson from our caseworker. She told me I should still always “guard my heart.” Such good advice that we hear from such an early age. But is it always that easy?
Since hearing about being matched, visions of baby boy clothes and sweet little baby sounds have entered my mind. It’s all I can think of, it’s all I can focus on. So, now, I’m reminded I have to guard my heart, because anything can happen. But my heart already belongs to this baby. Of course, I realize that if this baby is not meant to be mine, then he will not be. But that’s hard. I am just at a spot now where the excitement is overtaken by fear. I know, I shouldn’t worry, but pray about everything. Trust me, I am praying with all that I have. My heart is on the line here. I want everyone out there to know this so maybe y’all can pray for me too? Pray that my anxiety is calmed, my fears cease. Pray that the birthmother is at total peace with her decision. Pray that she will know that Ken and I will love her baby just as much as she does. Pray that my heart won’t be broken. I am guarding my heart, but excitement takes over and I want to go ahead and give my heart to my sweet baby. Pray that I know the fine line between guarding and loving.
PS. Sorry for my rambling, I am a little out of mind right now. 🙂