The loaded question.

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I am trying to keep everyone updated on our progress of our adoption, so I am pretty sure that everyone knows that we have had our homestudy approved and we are in the active pool now. That means that our profile book(Which is awesome) is being shown to all birthmoms now! SO exciting. However, along with everyone knowing this, this brings up a tricky situation.

Everytime people see me or Ken or both of us together, the first thing they think to ask, is “Have y’all heard anything?” I know it seems really, really unappreciative when I say this, but I hate being asked this question. I appreciate the thought behind this question, I appreciate everyone who loves Ken and me enough to ask us this question, and I appreciate that people actually care. But, those of you that know me, know that I analyze everything. So everytime someone asks “Have y’all heard anything yet?”, inside I am thinking “Why haven’t we heard anything yet?” Everytime someone asks “Have y’all been picked by a birthmom yet?”, inside I am thinking “Why haven’t we been picked yet?”. These questions bring out the worst in me. They bring out my worrying/analyzing/nitpicking self.

I am really struggling with the whole waiting thing anyway. It’s hard when you have nothing to take your mind off it. For months, we have been doing paperwork, and homestudy, and physicals, and now there is nothing. Everytime an unexpected number shows up on my phone, I think it is a case worker. Everytime we get a letter from our adoption agency, I think it is about a placement. The only cure that I have found for this is to constantly remember that God has a plan for my life, no matter what plan I want Him to have for my life. No matter how much I worry or how much I nitpick or how much I overanalyze, His will is going to be done. I have no control which scares me to death.

So, to all of you who have asked if we have heard anything, thank you so much for asking that question. It brings up things for me that need to be dealt with. No, we haven’t heard anything, but I know that we will when it is His time. Thanks for asking. 🙂

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