As I sat outside today, regulating the daily wallball game at recess, one of my students ran up to me complaining about getting out. He said, “I didn’t know that was a rule! That’s not fair!” I calmly told him my standard answer: “Well, sweetheart, sooner or later you’re going to learn that life isn’t always fair.”
I’ve been thinking about that a lot since then. I can easily tell my student that he needs to get used to the fact of life being unfair, but today I have thought “It’s not fair!” more times than I can count. As most of you know, I lost my Grandma Floyd in January, shortly after beginning this adoption process. I was sad that she would never see her great-great grandchild, but I knew that she had lived a long life and was ready to go to Heaven. I was comforted by that. However, this morning when my mom called me to tell me that my Papa’s heart had stopped in the middle of the night and he was on a ventilator, my first thought was “This is NOT fair.” It’s not fair that his health has declined this quickly. It’s not fair that his reaction to dialysis was the worst one that his kidney doctor had ever seen. It’s not fair that he has to be restrained and sedated because he HATES the tubes going down into him, but they’re keeping him alive. It’s not fair that my Grandma, my dad and his brothers had to make a decision to not revive him if his heart stops again. And it DEFINITELY isn’t fair that there is a possibility that he won’t meet my baby. I was okay with Grandma Floyd not meeting her great great grandchild because most children don’t have that luxury of meeting their mom’s great grandmother, no matter how awesome she was. 🙂 But when we started this journey, my Papa wasn’t of the best health, but I never in a million years thought that he might not be around when our baby came. I just kept thinking, “It’s not fair.”
But then I have to remind myself, “Sweetheart, sooner or later you’re going to learn that life is not fair.” It’s not, but God is. God is always fair and just. He knows exactly what He is doing. And if He decides that my baby will meet his Great Papa, then we will have that to celebrate. But if He decides to take my Papa before my baby is born, then we will be able to celebrate that Papa is home with his Heavenly Father, and no longer has kidneys or a heart that are giving out on him. Either way, life isn’t fair. God is fair.