Well, they said this was going to happen.

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Well. It’s happened. When we started this adoption process, so many people we knew that had been through the process warned us: “It’s not going to be easy, but just keep persevering.”  As we have gone through the last six months, we have come up on a few little speedbumps, but definitely nothing we couldn’t handle. We thought we were just blessed because this is what God wants us to do. 

Well, now, we have come up on another speedbump. Except, this time, it’s a bump that has completely derailed us. Well, if I am being honest, it has derailed me. Ken is much less stressed and worried than I am. It’s so weird, things I stress over completely, don’t bother him a bit. Things that I don’t see as a problem, Ken gets all worked up over. I guess that’s part of our great partnership. We balance each other completely. Anyway, back to the speedbump. As I wrote about on Wednesday, our agency has been forced to close its doors due to a Federal agency demanding it. Well, this put a question in our heads. Where do we go now? Well, we are already working with another agency for our homestudy so the obvious choice is to go with this hometown agency. Our homestudy case worker is wonderful and made us feel completely comfortable so it was an easy choice. Now, the hard part. The agency that we were working with, we had already had to pay a pretty great deal of money for an application fee. When I emailed the case worker up there this morning about getting the fees back, they said they weren’t able to refund this money. 

So now, we are basically back to square one. The money we have raised was such a help and a blessing, but now, we have to put that money up again at a different agency. My mom, the eternal optimist, (Notreally) reminded me that without the money we had raised, we would be that much more in debt. I know she’s right, but it is still discouraging. So right now, I am asking for you to pray for my spirit. Right now, it is broken. I know that all of this will work out exactly like it should. We can’t see the big picture, but God sure can. However, it doesn’t help me Earthly mind and spirit. My spirit hurts. Please pray for this MINOR(in the grand scheme of things) speedbump and for Ken and me. We thank you all for EVERYTHING you have done. Without you, we wouldn’t have even made it this far. 🙂 

With the good, comes the not so good.

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Last week, I wrote about our upcoming home study. We had our visit from our home study agent, Sandra last Friday night. It went great! She is a huge Florida fan and animal lover, so our sweet Tebow really helped us out. 🙂 She asked us many questions, just getting to know Ken and me. She got some basic information about our house, and this included a tour of the house. She couldn’t believe the closet space. We quickly let her know that’s why we bought the house. All in all, everything went well. We have two things we have to get done, but both of these things will take about ten minutes combined. I think we can handle that.  

So here we are thinking life is great. We’ve got our homestudy process rolling, we are well on our way to being ready to accept a baby into our home. Then, this morning, I woke up to a bombshell. The agency that was doing our placement is closing due to a loss of accreditation from the Council of Accreditation due to adoptions in the Congo 3-4 years ago. Our agency was doing all that it could to fight this, but in the end, they couldn’t fight the Federal Government agency for adoption. Therefore, they are closing their doors. Wow. Where do we go from here? Well, they are transferring our case to an agency of their choosing OR we can choose our own agency to transfer to. Ken and I have a lot of praying to do. We can, of course, go with the agency that is doing our homestudy or we can go with the agency we are transferred to. The thing is, we don’t know which will be best. So now, we begin to pray. We pray fervently. We pray with intention. We also are asking you all to pray with us. This is a terrifying thing in our human, Earthly minds, but in God’s big picture, it is nothing. Not even a speed bump. If you will, I ask you to pray for my peace because I am the worrier. I ask you to pray for Ken to be able to put up with my worrying when I forget to pray and give it all to God. I ask that you pray for God’s will be done in this whole situation. Of course, it will be. Our God is so good, He takes care of problems before we even know these problems exist. My prayer right now is a prayer of thanks for God taking care of me when I need it. Thank you all for reading this and praying with us. 

I’ve earned this!

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For the most part, our adoption process has been relatively easy. We started this journey in January, and are now going through the Homestudy process. For the past week, I have been cleaning my house from top to bottom, getting ready for the adoption consultant to come over to meet us and see the house where we will raise our baby. Tonight, at 5:30 is our homestudy. Well, now that isn’t the case. Our homestudy consultant called today to reschedule the homestudy because she has to go get a baby that the birthmother has revoked on, and deliver it back to the birthmom. (This is heartbreaking.) When the consultant, Sandra called to reschedule, I am sure she heard disappointment in my voice, so she offered to come tomorrow night at 5:30 instead. Thank GOODNESS, we don’t have to wait until after our beach trip! 

This seems like such a small blip in the big scheme of things, but for some reason, I was really disappointed. I even cried a little bit. I am sure it was just because I have been working myself so hard this week and expected it all to come to fruition today, but it stung! I woke up this morning SO ready and it wasn’t going to happen now. In the scheme of things, I have been doing so good being patient and understanding the long process, even when people expect us to just have a baby anytime now. When I called Ken, I told him, I “deserved” a little disappointment. Ken, in his wise ways, reminded me that I don’t deserve disappointment ever, and that just like with the rest of the punches we have had to roll with, we would also just roll with this one. Right on into tomorrow, 24 hours later than normal. I had to give in a little, when Ken also reminded me, that we could be the family who was having to give up their 3 day old because the birthmother has decided to raise it. That would be devastating, not disappointing.  

Having said all of that though, I am going to ask you to pray for me. Pray that I re-realize that this process is going to be long, but it also going to be so worth it. Also, pray for Ken. He needs it because sometimes I think I “deserve” to be disappointed. 🙂

Happy Father’s Day!: My 3 examples of what being a Father looks like.

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Dear little one, 

     Tomorrow is Father’ Day. That means that today is the day when more neckties are sold than any other day. (I can’t wait to buy your Daddy a necktie with your picture all over it! 🙂 ) The definition of Father is ” A man in relation to his child or children.” Well, let me tell you that being a Father should mean so much more than that. Let me tell you what I think being a Father is by using three different examples. 

1. Growing up, I didn’t have a father. Instead, I had a Daddy. Your Standaddy is my Daddy. He was such a great example of what a real father looked like. He loves my Mama(Marmee) with all of his heart and it shows all of the time. He never wants to go anywhere where she isn’t going to be. He works hard and supports his family. Not only, did he support us financially, but he also always supported us spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically as well. He truly is the leader of his house. Another way he showed me what a father should be was his love. I have never known such selfless love as he has for me and for my Mama. Sometimes, his selfless love was a little over the top, like the time he was going to drive to Americus because there was a tornado going through and I was nervously waiting for it to pass. Thankfully, Marmee talked him into NOT driving to Americus telling him by the time he got there, the tornado would be gone anyway. Even now that I am grown and married, if I ever need ANYTHING, your Standaddy is the one that I call, because I know that he will do whatever he can to get it done. I am so thankful that he showed me EXACTLY what being a father should mean, just by being my Daddy. 

2. Sometimes people say that girls look for someone to marry who is just like their Daddy. I did the exact opposite. I love my Daddy more than anything, but your Daddy is so, so, so different from him in many ways. However, they do have some very key characteristics in common, which is how I know that your Daddy is going to be so great to you! Because of your Standaddy’s example of what a great father looks like, I could tell that your Daddy was going to be a great dad because he has so many of these qualities. For example, your Daddy loves his family and friends and is loyal to a fault. He goes above and beyond to support these people in his life. Really, I don’t think you could ask for a better friend than your Daddy. Besides being loyal to all of his family members, another characteristic your Daddy has that will make his a great Dad is he loves me to the moon and back. I couldn’t have asked to marry someone who cares more about me, is more considerate and loving towards me, and shows his love everyday to me than your Daddy. It was once said that “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” -Theodore Hesburg. I believe this with all of my heart. This is why I know you will have a great Daddy. If he shows this much love for me, even with all of my quirks and even when I say things WAY before I think about them, then I know EXACTLY how much love he is going to show to you! 

3. Now, we will get to the real reason both of these men are the men they are today. Both your Daddy and your Standaddy have an awesome example of how to be a father because of our Heavenly Father. God is the reason that both of them are able to offer unconditional love. Just imagine the love our God that is given to us. Do we deserve it? Nope, but He offers it to us because He is the ultimate Giver. God is our example of the forgiveness. On Earth, we mess up, we make other people mad. I can’t count the times I have made your Standaddy mad, and I probably have made your Daddy mad more times than that in the short five years I have known him. However, every time, they forgive me. They forgive me because they have an example of forgiveness from our God. Should we always be forgiven? Nope, but through his Grace and His Mercy, we are. So fathers on Earth forgive as well. I am thankful every day for my Daddy and for your Daddy, but I am even more thankful that they have come to know THEIR Father so well that now they have the ultimate example of how to be a father. 

Happy Father’s Day out there to all of you fathers. I pray today for you to realize what a tremendous impact you truly have, not only on your family, but society as well. Our society needs more fathers that realize the example of the Heavenly Father. I am truly thankful for all of the fathers in my life that have realized this. 

Good intentions.

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“I was born inside of my mom’s heart.” 

Over the past few months, I have been bombarded by adoption pictures, adoption quotes, adoption birth announcement ideas, adoption tshirt sayings, and so much other stuff, mainly off Pinterest. Several friends have sent me some of the cutest ones, plus I follow all different types of adoption blogs and boards on Pinterest. There are so many cute, adorable ideas I have seen. My favorite is the announcement that says “SO worth the wait.” 🙂 

There’s one that I see SO much on onesies, and announcements, and prints to hang in the nursery among other things. These all say “I was born inside of my mom’s heart.” Y’all. That is such a sweet sentiment. I love to think about it. However, when I really start thinking about this quote, I think that even though the sentiment is right, the wording might be a little misconstrued. This quote, in my opinion, leaves out a very, very important part of the adoption. The baby was ACTUALLY born just like every other baby. A mother had to go through the most pain she has probably ever experienced in her life. She had to endure this for most likely hours and hours on in. Then, after the birthing process, she had to give the baby to the nurse, not knowing the fate of her or the baby. She had to recover in the hospital for a few days and sign papers to give her baby over to a family, who most likely is very loving, but she had only met them a couple of times. She did all of the work, but it doesn’t seem she is reaping any of the reward. Hopefully, one day she will realize she DID reap a reward by placing her child into that nurse’s arms and having her baby placed with a family that loves it just as her own, but right now, she is just exhausted by childbirth. 

This is why I don’t the quote “I was born inside of my mom’s heart.” is very accurate or if I am being honest(which I am because this is my blog), very fair. This baby was born through the natural birthing process. The quote might should have read, “I was born by my birthmother, but now I live inside of her heart and with another family that loves me just as if I was born naturally to them.”  I guess that might have been a little too long to put onto a onesie. 🙂