Letter to the birthmother

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Writing a letter to someone you have never met seems like it would be hard to do. In some ways, this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but in some ways it is one of the easiest things I have ever done as well. I’m going to be honest though, I didn’t do this without shedding a few tears along the way. 🙂 

 

Dear friend,

    “You have to have faith that there is a plan for you, and you must follow your heart and believe in yourself, no matter what.” –Martina McBride. My husband, Ken and I have recently figured out that things in life cannot always be planned. For the past few months, we have been faced with a difficult decision that has led us to the process of adopting a child. We weren’t able to conceive a child on our own, but when we faced the fact that the plan of having our own baby wasn’t exactly working, we knew that adoption was the way we wanted to go. As a teacher, I know that a child does not have to be biologically yours to be a part of your heart. I teach 110 children a day that somehow all feel like my own children. So, we began making an adoption plan instead.

                You have probably also been making pretty difficult decisions over the past few months. We thank God for your decision to love your child that you are carrying enough to let us also love them as their adoptive parents. It probably hasn’t been an easy journey to get here, just like it hasn’t been very easy for us to reach this point, but we love you for that. We love that you aren’t taking the easy way out. We also love you for the baby that you are carrying. Trust me when I say, there are a LOT of people that have been praying for you in the past few hard months and for your baby.

                I also want to thank you. Because of you, I have found hope in life again. I have begun to see a light at the end of the tunnel that promises me that I will have a baby in my life one day, even if it wasn’t the way I have always imagined it would be. Thank you for that hope. I also want to thank you for the joy that you have given back to me. I have begun to have joy for people who are pregnant and people who are having babies. For a long time, I had become bitter when people became pregnant because it wasn’t me and I was jealous. This wasn’t fair to myself or to the people I began to resent. Now, when someone announces their pregnancies, I can truly be happy for them and not pretend to be happy while crying after I leave them. Thank you for giving me my joy back as well.

                If you choose us to be the parents of the child that you have carried, taken care of, and loved, we will always be connected. You will always have a connection to our child that goes way past any papers that you sign or any decision that you make. You’re a part of them and we love you for that as well. Everytime we look at our child, we will see a child that is loved not only by us and our extended families, but also by someone who loved them enough to give them to us. We can only describe this feeling by an eternal feeling of gratefulness. When our child asks us about their birthmother, we want to be able to honestly describe you as the wonderful person you are.

                In closing, We won’t promise that your child will never be mad at us. We will make them clean their rooms. We won’t let them do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it. We will make them be respectful to adults. We will hold them accountable for all of their actions. Even with all of this, we will also promise to offer your child unconditional love. We will be at all of their events, band concerts, swim meets, football games, whatever they decide to do. We will tell them how smart they are, how awesome they are, how beautiful they are, and how much we love them every single day. We will also raise them to be complete followers of Jesus Christ, just like we are. All of these things we CAN promise to you.  

We are praying for you consistently. –Ken and Stacy H. 

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