Why I believe in daycare: A letter to my baby’s birthmother

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Dear friend, 

       “What do you plan to do for daycare when the baby arrives?” “We will find a suitable daycare.” I know that when going through our information at the agency, you have read this question we were asked. I want to delve a little bit further into this topic, just to tell you that I don’t plan on dumping your baby off the first chance I get. 

I am a fourth grade teacher at an elementary school here in our hometown. Teaching is not my job though. Teaching is my passion. I believe that teaching is my purpose in this life, and I wake up everyday eager to fulfill my purpose. Everyday, 110 students walk through my door and I am there to be their teacher, their nurse, their mom, their dad, their therapist. (NOT their friend.) I feed them breakfast when I know they haven’t had it. I listen to their drama. I love them more than they will ever know. Yes, I have a job that I go to from 7:30-4:30 everyday, but it is more than a paycheck. 

This is why we will be putting our child into daycare. It might be a home daycare, it might be a babysitter at our house, but they will be going somewhere while I am at work everyday. Why? Because I can’t imagine not teaching. I firmly believe that if God has shown you what your purpose should be in this life, that you should try to fulfill it every single day. I know that being a mother will come first, and I can’t wait to become a “working mom”, but I also know that if were not a “working mom” I wouldn’t be living my life the way I am supposed to be, the way God intended.

I have many, many friends that are stay at home moms, and I am not calling them out on this ONE BIT. I admire them. I wish I could be more like them. But, I would be lying if I said I have EVER thought I would make it as a stay at home mom. So yes, even though right now I am about as exhausted and stressed out as can be(CRCT is Tuesday) I can’t wait to wake up Monday morning and do it again. And yes, I also know that I will be even more exhausted and stressed out after we have our sweet baby home with us, but I know that in the end, I will be able to do it all, fulfill my purpose and be a great mom as well. In fact, I believe that going to work everyday at a job that I love will end up benefiting our baby, making me a better mom. I know for a fact that it makes me a better person.  

We love you and are praying for you and the baby you are carrying, Stacy

You can show your support by what you wear!

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You can show your support by what you wear!

If anyone wants to support our adoption, you now can by wearing a tshirt! The shirts will be 15 dollars a piece. They are short sleeved, grey shirts in a tshirt style. If you want one, please email me at s5ashhayes@gmail.com with how many you want and your size. Thanks for all of your support, including your prayers!! We love you!

It’s more than a solution to a problem, it’s our plan.

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 DISCLAIMER: Most of the time, when I blog, it is positive and upbeat. This one is not entirely that way. 

When, we decided that we wanted to have a baby, then we didn’t get pregnant, we made the conscious decision to adopt a child. Ken and I don’t look at this as a solution to a problem, but instead we truly feel that this is God’s plan for us in our life right now.

I am so excited to think of God working this great plan into our life. I am so excited to think about our baby and the day we get to bring our baby home. I am so excited to watch Ken become a Daddy. All of this is exciting, but I would be lying if I said I never think of things that I won’t have by not having a biological child. 

1. I won’t experience pregnancy. I know that child birth is not a walk in the park, but it is an experience that a lot of women go through. When my friends talk about how it feels to be pregnant, or talk about whether or not to have a natural birth, or talk about the feeling that they have when holding their child in their arms for the first time after they are born, I won’t have any input. 

2. I won’t ever be able to take those cute maternity pictures that you see on Pinterest. (Not naked belly pics) 

3.  I was kind of looking forward to being pregnant, so I could eat whatever I wanted and never feel guilty. I had planned in my mind to eat so many cupcakes when I got pregnant. Now, I will just have to eat as many cupcakes as I want not pregnant. 🙂 

4. Being a woman, I have been thinking about my children for years. Once Ken and I got married, I began to think about what our kids would be like, what they would look like, how they would act. One of the hard things/best things about adopting is that our child might not look ANYTHING like us. I mean, granted, our kid will be cute and awesome no matter what, but I loved imagining a cute little baby with curly,dark hair with a wide smile. Having said that, sometimes I think how great it will be that they won’t act like us. Let’s face it, if we had a child of our own, it might end up the most awkward, random kid in the world. Maybe we dodged a bullet? 🙂 

I think about all of these things when I think about my little one coming into my life. However, even with all of these things, Ken and I feel like this is exactly where we are supposed to be in life right now. Even with all of these things that won’t be happening, there will be so much that WILL be happening, including meeting the love of our life. We can’t wait! 

You might as well go ahead and understand….

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Dear little one, 

    Tonight, your Daddy and I were putting together the STACK of papers that we have to turn in for our homestudy process. This included so. much. stuff. We have a whole file in our office on just adoption stuff. Things get serious when you want to adopt a baby. (I appreciate this of course because without all of this we wouldn’t be able to have you, but still, geez!) One of the things listed on the check off list to get done was our fingerprints with the FBI and another whole set for the GBI. When the time came to put the FBI fingerprints in the file, I couldn’t find them. I got your Daddy to start helping me look. We looked everywhere, in all of our drawers, underneath tables, even in the crack beside the refrigerator. We could not find them anywhere. Both of us were starting to get SO frustrated so we sat down to eat dinner. Before dinner, we prayed for you and for your birthmother like we always do, but I also included in the prayer to help us find these fingerprints. After dinner, we continued looking. I finally sat down to look over the checklist from the agency to see if there was anyway we could get another copy. As I was reading, I remembered. We had mailed the fingerprint cards off to be analyzed by the FBI. We have the receipt, we have the results of the fingerprints, but we didn’t have the fingerprint cards, because WE DIDN’T NEED THE FINGERPRINT CARDS. Ugh, we both were so relieved and frustrated with ourselves, all we could do was laugh.

I tell you all this to say this, you might as well get used to things like this from me. Hi, I am your mom. I am clumsy. (I have huge bruises on my knees right now from falling down at school the other day.) I am forgetful. (That’s why Daddy pays all of the bills.) I am absentminded. I often do too many things at once causing nothing to ever really get done. You’re probably going to realize one day that I am awkward and silly. You might(you will) even be embarrassed by me. But trust me when I say, I also love my own to a fault. Even on my most clumsy, forgetful, absentminded, awkward day, I will love you to the moon and back.(Which is a long way. I know because I am a Science teacher. 🙂 ) I already love you and I have never even met you!

Love your forever awkward Mama. 

Letter to the birthmother

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Writing a letter to someone you have never met seems like it would be hard to do. In some ways, this is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but in some ways it is one of the easiest things I have ever done as well. I’m going to be honest though, I didn’t do this without shedding a few tears along the way. 🙂 

 

Dear friend,

    “You have to have faith that there is a plan for you, and you must follow your heart and believe in yourself, no matter what.” –Martina McBride. My husband, Ken and I have recently figured out that things in life cannot always be planned. For the past few months, we have been faced with a difficult decision that has led us to the process of adopting a child. We weren’t able to conceive a child on our own, but when we faced the fact that the plan of having our own baby wasn’t exactly working, we knew that adoption was the way we wanted to go. As a teacher, I know that a child does not have to be biologically yours to be a part of your heart. I teach 110 children a day that somehow all feel like my own children. So, we began making an adoption plan instead.

                You have probably also been making pretty difficult decisions over the past few months. We thank God for your decision to love your child that you are carrying enough to let us also love them as their adoptive parents. It probably hasn’t been an easy journey to get here, just like it hasn’t been very easy for us to reach this point, but we love you for that. We love that you aren’t taking the easy way out. We also love you for the baby that you are carrying. Trust me when I say, there are a LOT of people that have been praying for you in the past few hard months and for your baby.

                I also want to thank you. Because of you, I have found hope in life again. I have begun to see a light at the end of the tunnel that promises me that I will have a baby in my life one day, even if it wasn’t the way I have always imagined it would be. Thank you for that hope. I also want to thank you for the joy that you have given back to me. I have begun to have joy for people who are pregnant and people who are having babies. For a long time, I had become bitter when people became pregnant because it wasn’t me and I was jealous. This wasn’t fair to myself or to the people I began to resent. Now, when someone announces their pregnancies, I can truly be happy for them and not pretend to be happy while crying after I leave them. Thank you for giving me my joy back as well.

                If you choose us to be the parents of the child that you have carried, taken care of, and loved, we will always be connected. You will always have a connection to our child that goes way past any papers that you sign or any decision that you make. You’re a part of them and we love you for that as well. Everytime we look at our child, we will see a child that is loved not only by us and our extended families, but also by someone who loved them enough to give them to us. We can only describe this feeling by an eternal feeling of gratefulness. When our child asks us about their birthmother, we want to be able to honestly describe you as the wonderful person you are.

                In closing, We won’t promise that your child will never be mad at us. We will make them clean their rooms. We won’t let them do whatever they want to do whenever they want to do it. We will make them be respectful to adults. We will hold them accountable for all of their actions. Even with all of this, we will also promise to offer your child unconditional love. We will be at all of their events, band concerts, swim meets, football games, whatever they decide to do. We will tell them how smart they are, how awesome they are, how beautiful they are, and how much we love them every single day. We will also raise them to be complete followers of Jesus Christ, just like we are. All of these things we CAN promise to you.  

We are praying for you consistently. –Ken and Stacy H. 

www.fundly.com/we-re-getting-a-baby

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www.fundly.com/we-re-getting-a-baby

The average cost of a domestic adoption is 34,000 dollars. This includes so many things, legal fees, birthmother expenses, travel expenses, and such. When we began talking about adoption, finances were the main thing holding us back. We decided that this was so important to us and we felt it laid on our hearts, no matter the money. People have asked us how they can help us. We continue to ask for your prayers as we travel through this together, but others have wanted to do more. I have set up a Fundly website, where you are able to give monetarily. No one should feel obligated AT ALL. Please don’t think we are asking for handouts, but if you want to give, this is how you would do it. 

Thank you so much for all of the help you have all already offered us, by supporting us, by giving us advice, and by praying for us. We can definitely feel your prayers!