A little about myself that I have learned from doing the Home Study.

Standard

For our homestudy, we have to answer lists and lists of questions. There are so many of them and a lot of them really get you thinking. I am going to include some of these questions here and some of my answers as well. Read my answers and then I challenge you to really think about what your answers would be like as well for these! Today, I am including the “Family” part of my autobiography. 

 

Autobiography of Stacy Hayes

  1. My family: I was born in raised in Thomasville, Georgia. My childhood home was a small, three bedroom house. We sold this house and moved to the home that my parents still live in when I was 12. My childhood home was right across the street from my aunt, uncle, and cousins. When we moved, my aunt, uncle and cousins all moved right next door to us. We also lived right behind my grandparents’ house. It was like a family commune. However, the house is not what makes the home. My family was my mom, my dad, and me. I was an only child, but growing up living so close to my two cousins, they became like a brother and sister to me. My dad is someone who is a very hard worker who provides for his family. Even being a hard worker, I know that he never missed one single thing that I did. He even was my softball coach for 11 years of my life. He is very competitive but that also means that he feels that everyone should always do their best, no matter what the situation. The most important thing that my dad did while I was growing up, was he put Jesus first in our household and he put my mom second. My dad absolutely adores my mom and vice versa. I am like my dad in the fact that I am constantly loyal to those that I love. No matter what differences he might have seen between himself and others in his family, his family is the number one priority. My dad is loyal to other things as well, such as his job, his volunteer jobs, his sports teams, and church. I like to think of myself as loyal like he is. My mom is about the most patient person I have ever known. She is the epitome of self sacrificing love. I can’t imagine a better example of what a parent/ child relationship would look like. Even during her hard times, my dad and I were always at the forefront of her mind. I often say that my mom is my biggest fan and I mean it. She supports me in everything I do. I am like my mom in the manner in which I care for people and have a heart for others, especially children. My mom was a teacher for thirty one years and loved every minute of it. She taught me what a passion is, and I think I might have inherited it. I also grew up very close with both sets of my grandparents. I lived behind my dad’s parents from the time I was twelve on. We had so many good times together. They used to take me on trips every summer, we always had a beach trip on Labor Day, and just good times at their house. My mom’s parents moved back to Thomasville from Washington DC two months after I was born. We have had a connection ever since. I spent many Friday nights spending the night at their house. Anytime we went out to eat, or went anywhere for that matter I always wanted them to be invited to come. My Granddaddy Floyd is probably the most influential person in my life. He is so wise, spiritually and intellectually. I have been blessed to be raised so close to him and all of the rest of my grandparents as well. I also spent 27 years of my life with his mom, my great grandmother in my life. She was very close to me, more like a grandmother than a great grandmother. She died this past January, but I like to think that her spirit of joy lives on in me. She always made good situations out of bad, and I hope to always take that with me. I have a huge extended family as well that I am very close to. I spend as much time as possible with my aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins, great aunts, great uncles, and just close family friends as I can. We spend every holiday surrounded by family and love. I have to say that I had the most perfect childhood growing up surrounded by these people. 

More to come! (Once I figure out how I am going to answer them myself.) Image

Buried.

Image

Buried.

If you happen to be wondering why I haven’t posted lately, there are a couple of very good reasons. The main reason is shown in this picture. These are the forms that we are working on(and will be working on for a while) to get our homestudy completed. This process will take a few months to get through, but once we get through it, we will have a lot of the paper trail behind us which will be awesome!

Ken and I looked over his vacation schedule today to see when he will have time off this year. Two days he has off are around Thanksgiving and we were talking about how we might could go visit his dad and stepmom during this time, but then Ken reminded me; We might have a baby by then! I am not putting a time limit on this adoption and that might be rather quick but it could happen. This made both of us SO excited to think about. Ken’s quote was “I was at a ten on the scale of being excited, but that just made me an 11.” So thankful for a husband that is just as involved on this journey as I am, and just as excited!

If you will, please pray for us as we trudge through the “boring” stuff like paper work. We are praying that we remember that at the end of all of this paper work and “hurry up and wait” will be the best thing that has ever happened to either one of us.

You are being watched.

Standard

DISCLAIMER: If you are here to read about the adoption of sweet baby Hayes, today is not your day. This is a blog that has just been laid on my heart.

Whenever I started writing this blog, I mentioned that I have had an easy life. The hardest trial I have ever have ever been through is not being able to have a baby. This was not public knowledge, so no one really knew that Ken and I were struggling on the inside. However, when you go through trials of any kind, people are watching you. They are watching how you deal with these crisis situations. They are seeing you make the choice, will you be miserable or will minister to others through your hard times?

This past week, I have witnessed a trial, second hand, but it still impacted me.  A few weeks ago, when I wrote about priorities, I told you about my friend, Dee, who is always there when I need support or a prayers. Just a few weeks ago, after a particularly hard parent conference, where I ended up very upset, Dee told me she had been praying for me during the whole thing. Later that evening, she texted me a passage of scripture from her bible study that had reminded her of me. She is just that kind of person and a great friend to me. Sunday night, Dee’s parents and friends were on their way back from Valdosta when they came upon a wreck. Dee’s mom, Mrs. Marty, was a nurse. They stopped to see if they could help the victims. While Mrs. Marty was tending to the victim, another semi came up on the wreck and hit the vehicle where Mrs. Marty was helping. She and the already injured person in the other car were killed. It was tragic. It was heartbreaking. After talking to Dee on Sunday night after it happened all I could do was fall on my knees before my all knowing, all loving God.

This week, I have been totally amazed at the events surrounding Mrs. Marty’s death. Her family has chosen during this extremely hard time in all of their lives to be a minister to others instead of turning inside of themselves and becoming miserable. The most amazing thing has happened because of their ministry of love. Last night, at the visitation, the family of the other victim, Mr. Patel, came to show their appreciation to Mrs. Marty and also Mr. Dana, Dee’s dad for all that they did for their family at the site of the accident. While there, Mr. Patel’s family was loved on and prayed for by more of Dee’s family and friends. By the end of the night, the love and grace of God that had been shown to these people, these strangers that met so tragically, came through. They accepted Jesus as their savior and Lord right there at the visitation!  Dee was so excited to share this. When we talked about it this morning, before the funeral, she said “My mama is saving lives even when she isn’t here.”

Wow. What a challenge. This week has been emotional, but I think the hardest thing of this week is thinking, “When trials come my way, will I minister to others around me or will I become miserable?” As a Christian, this is truly what we are called to do. We are called to lead people to Christ. The end. No matter what. No matter what emotion we might be feeling. It was hard for me not to get wrapped up in my own emotions when I wasn’t able to have a baby right away, but seeing how much we can minister through our trials this week, I now see that it is important to continue showing Christ, even when things get hard.

There are SO many things that I could ask you to pray for this week, but I think I will just stick with two. First, I ask you to pray for my sweet friend, Dee and her family. She is the type of person that when she says she is going to pray for you, she does it. We can give that back to her and her family this week. Another thing I want to ask you to pray for, is yourself. If you are a Jesus follower, pray that even when things aren’t going your way, you still are able to give glory to Him and lead others to Him as well. Be a minister in your own right. 🙂

5 things you probably shouldn’t say to a couple in the processing of adoption….and 1 thing we should all say more often.

Standard

 

 

Image

 

 

It’s been about a month since we have announced our plans for adoption. During this month, we have been amazed at the outpouring of love and support that we have felt. It’s truly been such a blessing! Just as in everything in life, sometimes people are so well meaning, but their words might not be exactly what we want or need to hear. Just in observation over the past four weeks, I have come up with a list of five things that adoptive parents probably don’t really like to hear. 

1. “Maybe you should just keep trying a little longer.”- We have thought about this. We haven’t been trying terribly long, especially when we see other families that have gone through this process for MUCH longer. I have explained this to a few people that the reason that we went ahead and started the process was we didn’t want to reach the point where we were desperate to have a baby of our own and bitter about others having their own. The adoption process isn’t a quick solution, so we wanted to make sure that we never reached that level of stress. 

2. ” “Well, that’s awesome because now you won’t have to worry about losing the baby weight or go through labor pains!”- We didn’t decide to go this route because it would help me keep my figure or I was afraid of a little bit(a LOT bit) of pain. Just making the decision of adoption was a painstaking one to make. It wasn’t the easy way out. 

3. “Oooh, adoption can be so risky!” PLEASE don’t tell me the horror story of when your friend adopted a baby just to have it taken back before finalization or when your cousin ended up with a baby from a drug situation. We are praying for our baby. We are praying for our baby’s birthmother. We hope that when the time comes, these prayers will be answered including the healthy birth of the baby and the finalization of the adoption.

4. “Once you adopt, you will get pregnant!”- I know this situation seems to happen quite a bit, but this is a trap for me. As you know if you have read other posts in my blog, I am a planner. When people say this to me, it is my nature to start thinking, “Oh good, I will adopt a baby to get my family jumpstarted and then I will get pregnant.” If this happens, that would be amazing, but if this doesn’t happen, then I don’t want to be devastated. If it is God’s will for us to adopt and then get pregnant, that’s what will happen, but if not, we will still have a baby of our own, not biologically, but by heart. 

5. Last but not least, “Have you figured out why you can’t have a baby?” or “Whose fault is it that you can’t have a baby?” There are a couple of things I take offense to here. 1. This is a private matter. I am a private person. The only person that knows my medical history is my doctor, so I definitely don’t want to discuss it with others. 2. It is nobody’s “fault” that we can’t have a baby. Right now, it is not in God’s plan for us to have a baby biologically. 3. In our marriage, we don’t play the blame game. Even if we had been down that road, and been tested, we would not blame one of us or the other. That’s a dangerous road to go down that can only end in hurt feelings and resentment. That is the LAST thing that we want or need in our marriage. Life is hard enough as is. We like being on each other’s team. 

With all of these things that we don’t want to hear, there is one thing that we never get tired of hearing. The number one thing that you can say to a couple in the process of adoption is, “We are praying for you.” That never gets old! Not only do we need to hear this, but everyone needs to hear this. When someone is going through fertility treatments, the best thing you can say is “I will be praying for you.” For those couples that have suffered a miscarriage or are still struggling to get pregnant, the best thing you can say is “I will be praying for you.” For those couples who have children and are raising them in this crazy, busy, hectic world, the best thing you can say is “I will be praying for you.” For those people who have “finished” raising their children and are now back to being empty nesters, the best thing you can say is, “I will be praying for you.” Here’s the challenging part though. Don’t just tell them this, actually pray for them. I know two people at the Hayes house that will welcome any prayers we can get. 🙂 

“Whoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes also my Father who sent me.” Mark 9.37

Perspective.

Link

Perspective.

It’s weird how your perspective on things changes as your life changes. When I was younger, I never cleaned my room. Now, my whole house is pretty much always clutter free. My way of thinking has changed. I have always been pro-life, as I am pretty much as Republican as you can get socially. However, since Ken and I have started going down the adoption road, my thoughts have completely changed, only to be strengthened in the fact that I am, in fact, VERY pro-life. 

Ever since starting thinking about adopting, twins have been laid on my heart. For some reason, when I fill out paper work, or look at an agency’s website, or talk to Ken, or even when I blog, I have been thinking about the adoption of twins. I don’t know where that will lead, if we will end up with twins or not, but I know that our baby(or babies) is already being prayed for by so many people! 

Thinking about twins, I happened upon this article the other day. When I clicked on the link and started reading, I was sickened. Then, I got to the part about the woman having twins. I had to catch my breath. This woman is aborting twins at 20 weeks along, halfway through her pregnancy, because “she already had two children” and I am praying for a baby and twins are being laid on my heart. Why? 

I believe the answer to this question is perspective. This woman and I have a completely different perspective on things, obviously. Anyone who can look at a 20 week pregnancy and not see the blessing and the miracle and the opportunity that they have in life, has a completely different perspective on life than I do. When I look at her and think about her decision, I think “Why couldn’t that have been me?”. My decision would have been MUCH better than hers. In the end, the reason why, is because it was her decision to make, not mine. 

“Whoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes also my Father who sent me.” Mark 9.37 (This verse had a little different perspective now to it, doesn’t it? 😉 )

Where my heart is.

Standard

Image

I haven’t blogged since last Wednesday when I blogged about my priorities. One of the things that came BEFORE blogging that day was visiting my Grandma Floyd. I sure am glad I put that first on that day because that was the last time I would get to tell her goodbye. I haven’t been on to blog since then because on Friday, January 31st, my Grandma Floyd went on to Heaven to continue praising her Savior for ten thousand years and forevermore. Over the past couple of days, I have tried to spend as much time as possible with my family as we have all gathered over at Grandma’s house, eating most meals over there and welcoming all kinds of visitors! Yesterday was the visitation. I have told so many people that the best part of all of this was hearing how Grandma had touched so many lives. We loved her of course because she was our Grandma. Everyone else loved her because she was just so lovable. Everyone she met was special to her. She had this uncanny gift of making everyone feel like family. We will miss her but she lives on in every single one of us.

The past month or so, she hasn’t been completely lucid the entire time, but after Ken and I announced our adoption journey, my mom and dad got to tell Grandma the news. They were heading over to see her right after we told them. She completely understood what they were saying, even telling my mom that we were going to make her a great GREAT grandma. When Mama was leaving, she told Mama that she was going to lay in her bed and look at that picture and think of Ken and Stacy’s baby. It was a baby picture of me. 🙂 Even though she wasn’t completely clear all of the time, she was clear in that moment. She was so excited. I know she would have loved to be here to see it actually happen, however, I know that she will be here whenever it does happen. She will be with us through it all! At the visitation yesterday, one of the best things that I heard was Grandma’s best friend Dotty told me how excited Sarah Annie was to tell her about our adopting a baby. Even as sick as she was, she was still bragging about us to her friends. That’s how I know my Grandma Floyd will never leave me.

Please be in prayer for my family today as we go through the funeral. It will be a sad time for us, but also a celebration of a life so well lived. Grandma made life so good, so fun, even when things are bad. That is how we are honoring her this weekend. Even in bad situations, the Floyd family can have a good time! Thanks for your prayers.