Consumed.

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Today has been a snow day and I have been saying I was going to blog all day long. Here’s a list of things I have done instead: Gone to the Y, cleaned my kitchen and dining room floors, graded papers, visited my Grandma Floyd, and last but not least, eaten Waffle House with Ken. Now, at 6:24, I am blogging. You see where my priorities lie.

I have had a pretty easy, no, REALLY easy life. I had great parents, a great childhood, great friends. My life was just so….pleasant. When I was 24, Ken and I met, got engaged, and were married within 11 and a half months. Things just came easily to me. I was blessed. Then, we started trying to have a baby. Then, things got a little bit more difficult. Then, my world became consumed by this one thing that had gone wrong in my life.

When I was struggling with this, my priority in life was “What is going wrong? Why is this going wrong? What can I do to fix it?” (See, I brought the blog back around to priorities. Is that foreshadowing? 🙂 ) I focused on nothing else. A few months after being so self absorbed, I just became broken. I realized that I was looking at things the wrong way. I was looking at what I didn’t have in my life and I was forgetting all about what I did have in my life. I had forgotten about my awesome parents that supported me at all times and that were always so much fun to be around. I had forgotten about my three school partners, Kathryn, Dee, and Suzanne that are such Godly influences in my life and would always be there to pray for me and lift me up. I had forgotten about my best friend, Katie, that is always just one phone call away and will always pick up the phone and listen to me even if she can’t understand me because I am crying too hard. 🙂 But most importantly(and sadly) I had forgotten about Ken. I had forgotten that he was struggling too. I had forgotten about being a partner in this. This BROKE me. I had to make a decision, then and there, that I was going to fix this and get my priorities back in line. It was a long process, but we began by eating dinner with friends more often, inviting my parents to eat more often (now it is about once every two weeks), and spending more time doing things that we wanted to do, just the two of us. One promise that we made to ourselves is that every two or three months, we go out of town, usually just for a night, and it is just the two of us. This helps us really forget about everything we’ve left behind because we have truly left it behind. The most important change that I had to make in this process was I had to start praying for my priorities to change. Without prayer, I would still be stuck in this pity party I had thrown for myself. 

I say all this to say this, when something is going wrong in your life, don’t forget about everything that is going right in your life. I guarantee you, that if you stop and compare your blessings to your hardships, your blessings will win every single time. Another PSA: For those of you women who might be trying to have a baby and having a little bit of trouble, PLEASE don’t forget your husband. It is just as hard on him. If you don’t make him a priority, both of you will be struggling on your own. If you include him in on your struggles, you can help each other through it. It makes life so much easier. That’s why you married him was to have someone to lean on, right? 😉 I also say all of this to say, the adoption process is going to be a hard process. It’s going to have ups and downs. It will take a long time. Will you all pray that I will keep my priorities straight, with God being the first and foremost? Will you all pray that Ken and I know that no matter what, God’s hand is in all of this and that we remember that always? Really and truly, all we can ask for are your prayers.

“Whoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes also my Father who sent me.” Mark 9.37

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3 thoughts on “Consumed.

  1. Stacy, That was beautifully written. You hit the nail on the head with every point you made. Women and men handle infertility differently, but that doesn’t mean that the man doesn’t care–he’s usually trying to be strong for his wife. When you put God first in every situation, you know that you can leave it in HIS hands and not worry as much. I have always viewed my adopted daughter as my very own. I believe that from the moment of conception on, that God had planned for her to be in our family–therefore she is mine. Start now praying for the baby that God intends for you to have and also for the birth mother who will be facing hard decisions. But remember, God knows the baby He has planned for you. Mrs. Carole

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