Verbalizing my thoughts

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My best friend, Katie and I try to talk to each other at least once a week. Usually, we end up on the phone on Friday afternoons, after we’re both off of work but before we have to cook and eat dinner. It’s one of my favorite times of the week for so many reasons. One reason I love our phone conversations is that Katie can verbalize everything that I am thinking even things that are hard for me to say. I feel that I do the same for her too. Of course, yesterday’s conversation was extra long. We had a lot to catch up on, not just in my life but in her life as well.

Yesterday, because of Katie, I realized that this adoption process is good for me. Before we decided that this was the way we wanted to go, I was experiencing emotions that I didn’t like. I was becoming bitter and sad. Every time someone announced they were pregnant, I got sad. I couldn’t even celebrate such a good time in these peoples’ lives. I remember one time in particular that I ended up crying in the bathroom at work because of someone else’s happiness. I hated these feelings. I am the type of person that finds joy in EVERYTHING in life, especially other peoples’ joy. I was slowly losing that and I couldn’t stop feeling this way.

Now, like Katie said, there’s hope, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that in the end, this plan will all work out for good. Now, I can go back to being genuinely happy for people who are having babies. I can go back to being genuinely excited to go to my friends’ baby showers and birthday parties. I also can answer the well meaning question “When are y’all going to start having babies?” just by saying “We are actually in the process of adopting a baby now, so hopefully we will have one soon!” What a great answer!Ā 

PS. Did I mention Katie also has one of the cutest babies in the world? Well, she does.

Ā conrad

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4 thoughts on “Verbalizing my thoughts

  1. Oh Stacy, I used to feel the same way. That’s normal. Matt and I experienced infertility and then also miscarriage. I remember that my friends would be scared to announce their pregnancies to me. That made me feel even worse! I was happy for them…but just so sad for us!

    P.S. I love that you are blogging this amazing journey!

    • Nicole, first of all, thank you for reading my blog! Pregnancy in any form is an emotional journey, but I was experiencing things that I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t tell many people because I wanted no one feeling sorry for me so I didn’t even have a reason to be upset when they announced their pregnancy! Again, thanks for reading and I hope it will be an uplifting journey the whole way.

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