Consumed.

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Today has been a snow day and I have been saying I was going to blog all day long. Here’s a list of things I have done instead: Gone to the Y, cleaned my kitchen and dining room floors, graded papers, visited my Grandma Floyd, and last but not least, eaten Waffle House with Ken. Now, at 6:24, I am blogging. You see where my priorities lie.

I have had a pretty easy, no, REALLY easy life. I had great parents, a great childhood, great friends. My life was just so….pleasant. When I was 24, Ken and I met, got engaged, and were married within 11 and a half months. Things just came easily to me. I was blessed. Then, we started trying to have a baby. Then, things got a little bit more difficult. Then, my world became consumed by this one thing that had gone wrong in my life.

When I was struggling with this, my priority in life was “What is going wrong? Why is this going wrong? What can I do to fix it?” (See, I brought the blog back around to priorities. Is that foreshadowing? ๐Ÿ™‚ ) I focused on nothing else. A few months after being so self absorbed, I just became broken. I realized that I was looking at things the wrong way. I was looking at what I didn’t have in my life and I was forgetting all about what I did have in my life. I had forgotten about my awesome parents that supported me at all times and that were always so much fun to be around. I had forgotten about my three school partners, Kathryn, Dee, and Suzanne that are such Godly influences in my life and would always be there to pray for me and lift me up. I had forgotten about my best friend, Katie, that is always just one phone call away and will always pick up the phone and listen to me even if she can’t understand me because I am crying too hard. ๐Ÿ™‚ But most importantly(and sadly) I had forgotten about Ken. I had forgotten that he was struggling too. I had forgotten about being a partner in this. This BROKE me. I had to make a decision, then and there, that I was going to fix this and get my priorities back in line. It was a long process, but we began by eating dinner with friends more often, inviting my parents to eat more often (now it is about once every two weeks), and spending more time doing things that we wanted to do, just the two of us. One promise that we made to ourselves is that every two or three months, we go out of town, usually just for a night, and it is just the two of us. This helps us really forget about everything we’ve left behind because we have truly left it behind. The most important change that I had to make in this process was I had to start praying for my priorities to change. Without prayer, I would still be stuck in this pity party I had thrown for myself.ย 

I say all this to say this, when something is going wrong in your life, don’t forget about everything that is going right in your life. I guarantee you, that if you stop and compare your blessings to your hardships, your blessings will win every single time. Another PSA: For those of you women who might be trying to have a baby and having a little bit of trouble, PLEASE don’t forget your husband. It is just as hard on him. If you don’t make him a priority, both of you will be struggling on your own. If you include him in on your struggles, you can help each other through it. It makes life so much easier. That’s why you married him was to have someone to lean on, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰ I also say all of this to say, the adoption process is going to be a hard process. It’s going to have ups and downs. It will take a long time. Will you all pray that I will keep my priorities straight, with God being the first and foremost? Will you all pray that Ken and I know that no matter what, God’s hand is in all of this and that we remember that always? Really and truly, all we can ask for are your prayers.

โ€œWhoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes also my Father who sent me.โ€ Mark 9.37

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Verbalizing my thoughts

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My best friend, Katie and I try to talk to each other at least once a week. Usually, we end up on the phone on Friday afternoons, after we’re both off of work but before we have to cook and eat dinner. It’s one of my favorite times of the week for so many reasons. One reason I love our phone conversations is that Katie can verbalize everything that I am thinking even things that are hard for me to say. I feel that I do the same for her too. Of course, yesterday’s conversation was extra long. We had a lot to catch up on, not just in my life but in her life as well.

Yesterday, because of Katie, I realized that this adoption process is good for me. Before we decided that this was the way we wanted to go, I was experiencing emotions that I didn’t like. I was becoming bitter and sad. Every time someone announced they were pregnant, I got sad. I couldn’t even celebrate such a good time in these peoples’ lives. I remember one time in particular that I ended up crying in the bathroom at work because of someone else’s happiness. I hated these feelings. I am the type of person that finds joy in EVERYTHING in life, especially other peoples’ joy. I was slowly losing that and I couldn’t stop feeling this way.

Now, like Katie said, there’s hope, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that in the end, this plan will all work out for good. Now, I can go back to being genuinely happy for people who are having babies. I can go back to being genuinely excited to go to my friends’ baby showers and birthday parties. I also can answer the well meaning question “When are y’all going to start having babies?” just by saying “We are actually in the process of adopting a baby now, so hopefully we will have one soon!” What a great answer!ย 

PS. Did I mention Katie also has one of the cutest babies in the world? Well, she does.

ย conrad

How can I plan the unplanned?

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For those of you that know me, you know I am a planner. No, really. I plan my meals for the week, I plan what I am wearing for the week including hanging it up in that exact order in my closet, and I have already begun planning my birthday which is still over two months away. It’s just a part of who I am, take it or leave it. Over the past couple of days, I have realized that this is the first time in my life when I am not able to plan anything that is happening. And you know what? It doesn’t bother me!

My devotion this morning was about even when things are murky to us, God can see clearly. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.” Jeremiah 29.11. What a sobering and humbling and uplifting fact. God knows EXACTLY what He is doing, and even though I might not like it all of the time, I don’t always get to see His bigger picture. So right now, I am good. I am in a place where not knowing when we will have a baby, where our baby will come from, who our baby will look like, but even not knowing all of this, I am okay. I am actually better than okay, I am at peace and that can only come from Him. Even with having said that, please don’t say to me, “You don’t understand because you are not a parent.” If you do say this, I am likely to break down crying. (Yes, even in a parent conference. Oops.)

The update on the actual process right now: We have mailed in application forms to one agency we are working with that is in Macon. We had a reference letter written for us by our pastor and it was so supportive and encouraging. Another agency that we have been in contact with that is located in Orlando has set up a phone interview with us on Monday afternoon. This is for us to get a little more information about them and for them to get to know a little more about us. After our phone interview, we will be eligible for an online application to fill out. Ken had a friend email him about a lawyer in Americus that specializes in adoptions. She gave Ken the name and it just happened to be with an agency that a friend of a friend had used. We decided to give them a call. After playing a little bit of phone tag, Ken finally got to talk to her this morning and she just so happened to be on her way to Tallahassee. She said that she would stop by and see Ken at the bank to talk a little bit more in depth! Wow, this blessed our day! Ken left the meeting having a really good feeling about her services.

We are excited to see which way God leads us through all of this. Our way of thinking is, the more irons we have in the fire, the less stressful/painful/hectic the whole process will be. Whatever happens will be beautiful because it will all be a part of God’s greater plan in our lives! Thank you for continuing to read the blog and more importantly to pray for us. We need it! ๐Ÿ™‚

โ€œWhoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes also my Father who sent me.โ€ Mark 9.37

We never imagined.

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Well, this is my second blog so here’s hoping I will get the hang of it. Firstly, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone. Over the past twenty four hours since we announced this news to the “world” via social media, you all have been so supportive and awesome. Ken and I never would have imagined the texts, the private messages, the emails, the hugs that we would get just letting us know that you all are behind us and praying for us. That is all we could ever ask for.

Whenever you announce news like this, a lot of people have a lot of questions. Two of the first questions we got especially from our family members were 1. Why did you come to this decision and 2. How did you come to this decision.

1. Without going into too much detail(You won’t ever see too much detail on here. I am way too private!), Ken and I have been trying to have a baby naturally for almost two years now. This is not long in many parents’ eyes, but to us part of this time has been really hard. We had reached a point where we were going to have to choose either the fertility route or the adoption route. This should answer the WHY of the decision.

2. That leads us into the How we reached this decision. Ken and I have prayed about, talked about, and researched both options we had. Let me be clear, we do not think one option is better or more right than the other! We came to the conclusion with a LOT of prayer that there are already babies in this world that are conceived and that need a home, even a loud, weird, random home like with Ken and me. ๐Ÿ™‚ We didn’t feel the need for the baby to be our own flesh and blood to be “our baby”. This is HOW we came to this decision.

I hope that this answers a few questions that some of you have. Also, let me just say, that we could end up having a baby naturally as well during this process. If that happens, then that is obviously the path that God is leading us down. Either way, in the end, we will have a baby in our hearts and in our homes, and we will love the baby just the same.

“Whoever welcomes a child in my name welcomes me, and anyone who welcomes me welcomes also my Father who sent me.” Mark 9.37

“The best thing…

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“The best things in life are unexpected- because there were no expectations.” Eli Khamarov

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Ps. 37.4

Over the next few days, months, years, you can follow along with Ken and I as we go on a journey through adoption.